As I mentioned previously, I'm attempting to apply for Physical Therapy school this summer, to begin June 2014. I graduated from undergrad in 2011, with my second Bachelor of Science degree in Biology (the first was in Business Administration). Suffice to say, I'm well-educated and have taken my fair share of schooling.
It's been 2 years since I was in undergrad and sometimes I feel like I am moving at a snail's pace towards my future career. I know I shouldn't complain or worry, 25y/o is still very young and there's no need to hurry. Besides, I barely discovered the amazing world of Physical Therapy until this past year. If I had rushed myself before to "stay on track," I'd probably currently be miserable in dental school.
But sometimes, it's just so incredibly frustrating seeing my peers, old classmates, young people in general, accomplishing their goals and attending grad school in a timely manner. I get self conscious telling people "what I'm up to these days with school" or even how old I am or when I graduated.
I volunteer a few days a week as a Rehab Aide in a Rehabilitation hospital in the area. I absolutely love all my "co-workers" and revel in the magic that happens in our PT gyms. Some days are absolutely magnificent when a patient has been working so hard, and finally they begin taking their first few steps [to freedom, essentially] again.
Our hospital does a really neat thing for the inpatients. The day before they are discharged, which for some can be a matter of weeks or even months, they receive a shirt that says "Independence Day" with a triumphant stick-figure person on the front raising their fists. The patient is supposed to wear it on their final day of rehabilitation to signify to everyone that they are done and going home.
Last week, I had "my" first patient wear an Independence Day shirt. She came up to me (like normal) and I assumed she wanted to chat, not even noticing the shirt. After talking for a few minutes she said, "I just wanted to say goodbye to you." I asked her, "Goodbye? [gasp - seeing the shirt] It's your independence day!" I was so happy for her, I literally had tears in my eyes. Over the past 2 months, she was recovering from a brain tumor surgery that had left her with the inability to walk or take care of herself. And then here I was, months later, watching her take back her life as an independent woman. Those days are the best. I feel like I'm making a difference and am right where I need to be.
Other days, such as a last Friday, I feel like I'm failing. It's the days when I'm tired, realizing I'm still gathering all my observation hours, studying at night for pre-reqs and still stressing about getting INTO a school that I just feel like giving up. I reflect back on my undergrad accomplishments and want to cry. I worked so hard, and yet am so "far behind" on my life. I had this moment, walking around the inpatient gym, putting things back in their place - feeling like a hospital slave, that I just broke down and went to the bathroom to have a cry.
But I didn't cry. Instead I prayed. I prayed that God give me the strength to face the days that don't feel so great. And I prayed thanks for where I am in life, and where I know one day He will lead me. Not specifically because I guaranteed know where I'm going, but thank you because I trust wherever He takes me (even if not PT school) will be the very best place for me. I force myself sometimes to pray that prayer, because I'm working on my trust in God and His will. I know by my own choices, I will never be as happy, even if it appears to be exactly what I want, as I would be if I let Him lead me to where He needs me. With Easter just a week ago, I need to remember the selfless sacrifices Jesus made countless times to allow God to lead. I can do that too, and in many ways, it's comforting letting Him take the wheel.
I returned to my post in the gym, refreshed and determined to be a good little worker. A half hour later, a young, but late-20s guy walked into the gym with one of the PTA's. He asked if I was a student too. I told him that I was a volunteer collecting hours to apply to PT school. He told me he was finishing up his PTA program and was here on clinical, but that he would be taking pre-reqs all summer so that he too could apply to PT school for the next summer. I immediately felt lifted. Here was a guy, who has already worked really hard in a post-undergrad program, and yet still has a long road ahead of him to continue on to his mutual dream of PT school. And he's not 22 years old.
Message understood, God. I'm not the only one taking the scenic route path. I'm not a failure (because he certainly isn't). And I'm being heard.
I later treated myself to some tea.
